


A Year In The Life

by Monroe_Happens



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Kinda Romantic, M/M, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:19:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8538109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monroe_Happens/pseuds/Monroe_Happens
Summary: What's an effective way to date someone whose sole purpose is to save the world and would otherwise not bother even seeing where things go? Why, not tell them you're dating, obviously!OrSomeone goes on a reflective journey (spoilers it's Nate) and learns things and becomes better.





	1. Reflection, the First

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, had this idea for awhile. I'll edit and add stuff to my other stories, this week, probably. Kinda still in a state. You know, elections. anyway. new stuff. Also, random question: does anyone else intensely hate Linda from Bob's Burgers? Using that as background noise and my murder levels are rising at her (his) voice, answer in comments if you like!

* * *

 

The first instance he should have realized a change occurred was his office. He had been studying his carpet. The poor abused carpet that constantly had to be cleaned and recleaned because a certain someone always trudged blood and the flesh bits of others all over the surface.

That certain someone was currently sitting across from him going on about some pointless story or tangent. He thought he heard the word, “cow”, and honestly he’d lost interest after the third word.

The man’s stories never connected or were even about what was being said anyway, so Nate felt no shame in completely ignoring him when he had these tangents.

Nate did however, enjoy his voice as pleasant background noise. That hollow sound reminded him of a cat’s purr and his old jazz records. The ones that skip and sound like they’re going to melt the second it starts going.

Nathan’s focus though, was the carpet. It needed to be changed out. He had to change his budget twice just to afford to clean it. Perhaps if he had ripped it out and replaced it with a reddish material, he could cut that cost.

He had been so entirely focused he didn’t notice his friend had stopped speaking and now was throwing things at him for his attention. When that didn’t work, he was slapped.

“Oh, sorry. Then what happened? There was something about the banana right?”

Nathan found if he just made up shit, he was bound to be right about _something._

Nathan smiled apologetically, waited a few seconds and then turned his attention back to the carpet.

“You’re really not going to answer?”

“Red.” Nathan said in a daze. He tried to sort through the shades in his mind and fabrics. He turned to his friend.

“Is mauve red?” Nate honestly did not know.

“Mauve?”

Nathan nodded towards his carpet.

“You track in a lot of blood. I’d figured I’d just change the carpet to red. You know more about these things right? You read those magazines.” Nathan continued to frown at his poor abused carpet.

“You want me to design and decorate your office?” Deadpool found that pleasing.

Nathan assumed it was because he valued his opinion. He did not pick on the tone, the breathy way he actually said this or that smile, and how his body language changed to something else.

“Yeah, I trust you.” Nathan said that almost as an aside. It was an automatic response, and again, this was a pleasing one to the other man.

Deadpool said some things about sketches and ran off to who knows where to get started.

Nathan thought nothing of it nor did he think it was odd that Deadpool had kissed him before he left. It was just a quick one to his temple, but it was still something not done in their previous encounters.

He’d just figured it was a new facet to his odd friend. He had business to take care of overseas so his mind immediately went to focus on that.

 

\--

His overseas venture was supposed to take two weeks and it ended up being more like six. He’d forgotten about his conversation with Deadpool when he left and the first thing he did when he got back to his island was head to his office.

He immediately stepped out of his office in absolute confusion. He looked around, made sure it was in fact his office, or where his office had once stood. There was his name on a placard outside.

The carpet was indeed a shade of red. He had this vision of Wade dancing around on tomatoes to get it that shade. For some reason it’s also sped up and set to some farcical French Opera, because it just seemed to be more fitting.

Once he shook his head of that image, he stepped forward into the fray and took in everything. His desk was replaced with a much grander cherry oak one. One of his walls was now an aquarium of sorts, he couldn’t help but wave to the fish.

He found the large scale pop art of Deadpool endearing more than annoying, so there was that. He didn’t even hate the rug that featured his logo. Where did Wade find these things?

In the center of the room, across from the desk was a long couch with a strange arch that reminded him of some old monarch. Possibly French.

Looking at the couch, or sofa? Is it fancy enough to be? He decided he needed to watch more French cinema. Maybe Wade could suggest something.

There was a little table off to the left of the desk with a fancy espresso machine. There was a steaming cup of coffee waiting for him on the desk, all the paper that piled up in his absence was neatly placed, waiting for him as well.

Wade didn’t know when he was coming back. Irene wasn’t that kind to stay up and replace his coffee. Nathan smiled and began to work.

Yeah, Wade was good to him. He lucked out in the friend department. He found the small frame of the saucier picture, amusing and put it in the drawer, private viewing you know.

Yeah, when Nathan looks back now, he should have sensed the change or at least picked up on them.

The following morning is when Nathan should have realized their new dynamic. Something was thrown at him. He had fallen asleep at his desk, like usual. He winced, slapped his face and coughed.

He looked. It was a wrapped sandwich. He blinked and then unwrapped it.

“This is where you say, “thank you, darling,” and I say, “shut up and eat.” Deadpool sauntered in, because just walking wasn’t his style, and jumped onto the seat across from Nathan. After a minute of trying to get comfortable, he opted to sit on the edge of the desk instead.

Nathan glared at the offending food. It was not what he would normally order.

“What is this?”

“Are you serious? It’s a fruit bowl. What the fuck do you think it is? It’s an egg white sandwich.”

Deadpool, in turn started to annihilate his 12 course taco meal.

“Why would you give me this?” Nathan was almost insulted.

His companion paused his food onslaught and stared.

“What the hell did I do to you?” Nathan poked it.

“It’s healthy.” He said this as if it explained gravity.

“So?” Nathan reached for a taco and his hand was slapped in turn.

“So? You’re one piece of bacon away from a triple bypass. Eat the damn sandwich.”

“How do you know about my--and since when do you care about what’s healthy? You hate granola and hippies. You’re eating heavily greased processed food right now.”

“I have a healing factor. You don’t. Listen, we just started this new game, and it’s going to be no fun if you K.O before we even finish the tutorial. After I finished your health history, I did a financial background check, and I’m very satisfied with that one.” He winked and went back to eating his taco feast.

Nathan was more hesitant.

“Is this important to you?” Nathan picked up the sandwich.

“Kinda.”

With much effort, Nathan started to eat.

“Hey, we’ll make it game. Your cholesterol goes down in points, you get a reward.”

In Nathan’s mind at the time  it was a friend who was just showing genuine concern about his health.

 

 **How it actually was said** : Deadpool leaned in and and in his sexy, husky voice, “ if your cholesterol goes down in points, you get a reward,” and caressed his chin with his thumb.

 

How Nathan did not pay attention to that his beyond even him, as he recalls this later.

 

* * *

 

** Present ( sort of, in this universe it’s present, work with me here) **

“So, what are you getting Wade for Valentine’s Day?” Irene asks.  Nathan and Irene are out to lunch at one of the better, slightly healthier food stands on the island.

“Hm?”

“You forgot it was tomorrow didn't you?” She smiles somewhat amused. Nathan feels his body grow cold. A strange sensation.

“Why would I get him anything?” Nathan asks, not masking his total confusion.

“Because you’ve been dating a year and he’s the type that wants spectacle and a shiny gift?”

Nathan looks like a deer just exploded.

“Nate?”

“Is this one of your jokes? Wade being my boyfriend?” His mouth was becoming dry.

“Are serious right now?”

Nathan shrugged nervously. Irene wanted to hit him.

“You really--oh my God. You honestly had no idea you were dating, did you?”

He shook his head silently, his face abject horror.

“I really want to hit you right now.”

“I-”

She waved him silent.

“This is what you’re going to do. You’re going to go home, you remember you live together right? And you’re going to reflect on _everything_ , that happened between the two of you the last year. Then you’re going to get him a present. A good one that _screams_ his name. If you don’t, I have to hear about it, and suffer, and I will make _you_ suffer. Now go.”

Irene points aggressively and without needing to hear another word, Nathan goes off in the direction of his apartment.  
He has a lot of reflecting to do.


	2. Some Holiday Flavor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter than my usual, but was going for more of interlude and those tend to be short anyway. Thanks for the love!

* * *

 

**Then**

“This is a tree.”

“Yes.”

“It’s a tree that’s in the middle of the apartment.”

“You are very observant, dear.”

“Why?”

Nathan motioned to the said tree. That was in the middle of the apartment.  Nathan does not understand 21st century anything. He is sure this is one of those things.

“Why, _what_?”

“Why is it here? I assume there actually is a reason. You’re not _that_ random.”

Wade took offense to that and punched his arm.

“Yes, I am! How very dare you, sir. It’s here because, Christmas.” Wade felt that there needn’t be any further explanation needed. He is wrong.

“I don’t understand. Is this one of the 21st century things?” Nathan kept a journal of the things he’s been learning about the present.

His favorite is still Demi Moore. Nathan is pleased to note that Wade even dresses up like her character from his favorite film of hers in their more private, intimate moments.

And yet Nathan still is unsure of their relationship.

“We decorate it. Put presents under it, and then open them on Christmas.” Wade had great patience for his Priscilla, but sometimes, he just wishes the boy would get it.

“Is there a reason for this?”

“Pagans. Healing magic. Santa.”

“I see.”

Nathan stared at the tree. Wade had been quite pleased with himself when he brought the tree in. Nathan is not so pleased about the mess with the needles all over the carpet. Mess, like chaos, followed Wade wherever he went.

“What is it now?” Wade’s jolly mood was about to leave the building. Nathan smiled sadly.

“I don’t have anything for the tree.”

Wade’s smiled returned.

“I am nothing if not prepared! I expected, you, from future fun negahellscape, would be lacking, so have no fear Nate baby.”

He left the room and promptly returned with a box.

“Now we decorate!”

Nathan peered inside the box.

“Is this tradition?”

“Yes?”

“Ah. Thank you.” Nathan picked a red glass ball and gingerly placed it on a branch of the tree.

“For?” Wade’s turn to frown and be unsure.

“For sharing this with me.”

“Oh, right. Sure. Whatever.”

Nathan picked something else up from the box and placed it on the tree. He decided he kind of liked this weird past-present thing. He’s never really celebrated holidays. It’s nice that he gets to now.

“Oooh baby, now we’re talking.”

Nathan stared blankly at the leaf like object in Wade’s hand, and is curious as to why it was held over his head.

“Why are you doing that?”

“Really?”

“Mistletoe is a parasite.” Nathan points out.

“That describes us perfectly!”

Nathan stares, he does not understand.

“You kiss someone when you stand under it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not supposed to be logical. It’s holidayical.”

Nathan wants to fit into this century and accepts. If you’re supposed to kiss because of some silly rule and tradition, he will not argue. That is Nathan’s reasoning as he dips his head a bit to kiss Wade, who is enthusiastic. He wraps his arms around Nathan’s neck and the kiss lingers for a few moments.

Nathan wants to appease a friend, Wade gets to finally kiss his boyfriend.

“You taste like fire.” Nathan muses.

“You taste like infinity.” Wade is breathless.

Wade blinks and grabs Nate’s face and starts another kiss assault.

“I’m a paradox,” Nate corrects, equally breathless and dream like,” I create myself”

“Don’t stop.”


	3. Party on

**Now**

 

Irene cannot possibly be correct about them living together. Nate surely would have noticed. He opens the door to the apartment and trips. The mail has been left by the door--again.

“What’s so taxing about putting it by the table?” He shakes his head then freezes.

Hm.

He would have noticed if someone had moved in with him. Honestly. He chuckles. The notion that he would not notice--he frowns.

There are several parts to different guns left dirty and disassembled on the coffee table in front of the TV.

“He keeps his blades in pristine condition and yet doesn’t give a damn about automatic weapons.”

Nathan pauses. No. He would totally notice. The phone rings, he picks it up.

“ _Is this Deadpool?”_

Nathan hangs up hastily.

Nate goes to kitchen and rummages through the fridge. He closes it bitterly.

“I hate when he goes shopping.”

They so do not live together.

He walks back to the main room and something catches his eye. Cards by the mantle of the fireplace. Odd. Nathan doesn’t usually decorate in that manner.

“Hm.”

Last Christmas had been interesting indeed.  He browses through them.

* * *

 

**Then**

 

There are several people gathered around him. Laughing, smiling, having a good time. Nate smiles, laughs, and tries to have a good time as well.

No one is dead.

He looks around the room.

Everyone who should be here is. He does not have to console a widow or fellow brothers and sisters in arms. The flag does not have to be at half mast. There are no toasts or stories about the dearly departed.

No empty promises of honor and revenge.

No one is dead.

Everyone is happy.

Everyone is gathered.

No one is dead.

Nathan does not understand. He smiles. He waves. He nods at the guests, shakes hands, but he knows that something is amiss. He can’t quite help but to feel the prickling of wrongness.

Nathan sneaks away quietly.

The air is heavy.

He cannot breathe.

No one is dead.

Why are people here.

Everyone is happy.

No one is dead, whom are they honoring?

No one is dead.

Why is this happening?

He’s feels heavy and light.

Something touches him. He does not expect that. He reaches out and grabs onto and tries to twist whatever it is to the ground, but instead he’s met with a counter attack and a barrel of a gun in his face.

He sighs with relief.

That he can deal with.

“Tetchy.”  Wade scolds playfully.

Nathan smiles. He should have known.

“Are you hiding because I said you had to sing? You don’t _have_ to sing, but--”

And then Nathan gets lots in the beauty that is his voice. He doesn't care about the words, he stares at his friend blankly and listens without hearing a word.

“So, what’s the damage, Heather?”

Nathan blinks.

“No damage.”

“I mean, why are you here moping.”

“No one is dead."

“Oh? Well, the night is still young and that could very well change considering the company we keep.”

“No. I mean, ah, It’s nothing.”

Then Wade gets it.

“The only time you’ve ever been at a party is to honor a fallen comrade?”

Nate nods.

“No wonder you’re confused. That’s, here, we like parties.” Wade shrugs.

“I noticed.”

“So, a funeral is what you need?”

“I don’t need--”

Wade has already gone off in the other room like he’s on a mission.

“New party game!” He announces. People turn and wait. Wade turns his gun onto himself.

“It’s called ‘Funeral’ Come on fellas, place your bets. How long will I be dead this time? I say ten minutes. Winner gets the cake.”

He shoots himself in the head.

Nathan does not know what to do. He blinks at first. Guests are a mix of, amused, annoyed, horrified, and disgusted.

“This isn’t what I meant, but thank you. I think.” Nathan says to his corpse.

Several  minutes later Wade wakes up to an empty room.

“Where’d the party go?”

“They left. Apparently some idiot shot himself as a party trick.”

“My kind of idiot.”

“Don’t do that again.”

"Nate, I’m fine--”

“You don’t have your wallet on you, so they had me pay for the cake.”

“Wait, what? You bought a cake?”

“Had to. The prize, remember?”

“Who won?”

“Irene.”

“She would.”

“She did. Now I have to send her the cake.”

Wade pulled him close once he realized just how close Nate was.

“Wade.”

“Hmm?”

Wade presses his cheek into his.

“You owe me thirty dollars.”

* * *

 

**Now**

**“** He still owes me that thirty dollars.” Nate muses. His phone rings again. He answers again.

“Is this Deadpool?”

He hangs up in a panic again.

No. He would know. He cannot be that daft. He isn’t.

He goes through the pile of mail. He pauses. Wade has mail. Mail for Wade is being delivered on Providence.  Sure, Wade stays over sometimes, but why would he have mail delivered?

“Could be avoiding debt collectors. He never pays anything.” Nate reasons.

The phone rings again, Nathan hesitates, but answers anyway.

“No, this isn’t Deadpool.” Nate says with a sigh. The voice on the other end laughs.

“ _Well, it’s a good thing I called for you, Nate. “_

Ah, bless. Irene.

“ _I take it, it’s starting to come together?”_

 _“_ His mail is delivered here.”

“ _Yes_.”

“He has increased his time here. He stays over more.”

“ _Yes_.”

“He could honestly be accepting Providence.”

 _“Check the closet and the middle drawer of your dresser. Then get back to me._ ”

Nate places the receiver down,  He goes to his bedroom, opens the closet and flips on the switch. Nothing too crazy. He has some shirts, his few suits he owns for his meetings with--and oh.

Oh.

He tugs as the red and black spandex. He’s not sure why Rachel's costume is in the closet though, she has her own apartment.

He turns off the light. He goes over to the dresser, pulls open the middle drawer. He blanches. Deadpool merch. He personally does not own any. So why is he pulling out, sweaters, shirts, boxers with that logo?

Nathan takes a step back.

Oh, sweet clan mother. They live together.

He goes back to the front room and picks up the phone.

“When did this happen?” He demands. He needs to know.

“ _Really? I don’t know, maybe when you met? Maybe when you_ **_swallowed_ ** _him? Maybe it was after he asked you if you were “into dudes,” and then asked him to decorate your office?”_

 _“_ When the hell did he ask me that? And what does decorating my office have to do with wanting to date him!”

“ _Oh my god. He asked you if you liked him. You asked him to decorate your personal space because you trusted him. You know the way his brain is. It’s not too far fetched for him to take that as you asking him to be your lover.”_

 _“_ That explains the sex.”  
“ _I’m hanging up now. Sort this out_!”


	4. Getting There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca Barbara is from Video Game High School. What is VGHS, you ask?  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JqR3GVqib4  
> Also, This is Rebecca Barbara, who is just a typical human female high school student.  
> http://funnypictures4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Shot+bot+is+that+you+_e45f6d7dde274cfe550f8c3b3e0f8e4e.png
> 
> if you don't know who or what Hawke, I feel sorry for you. But Hawke is Hawke.  
> Lady Sassypants FTW:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b56ZQErYky0
> 
>  
> 
> You're welcome.

* * *

 

Deadpool is not the idiot he’d like you’d he think he is. He knows that Nathan is only vaguely aware of what’s been going on if he even _is_. They’ve been around,and around this place before, and the end result has always been the same:

“I do care for you, but there are bigger things than us going on.” Nathan says. His smile bittersweet and he turns away.

“It’s more than just sex.” Wade is not heard. Nathan walks away and Wade is left with the dust and silence.

That was the last time he made the unfortunate mistake of being honest, open, up front when he thought Nathan was changing and they had became close again. Nathan pushed him away--again. Walked away--again.

Then it started again. Nathan asked Wade to come around again. Go on shoot ‘em up missions, again. Offered Deadpool his old apartment on Providence, said he could come and go as he pleased, but and this was heavily implied, asked that he’d stay. Give Providence an honest chance this time.

Wade did.

And again, Nathan allowed himself to open up, become close to Wade. It was great and painful, because as soon as he realized that he allowed himself to feel happiness, Nathan would build the walls again.

In Nathan’s future, you cannot afford the luxury of happiness. It’s survive or die. There is no living. Wade has tried to explain that their past present isn’t like that. You can live and survive and be happy and  miserable and fake it.

In the end Nathan just gives him that Summers “I’m sad-serious-and your-brain-addledness-is-just-adorable-but-I-know-better-I’m-from-the-future,” smile.

So, this time Wade was not going to let it happen again. He would not be preemptively dumped. They were going to finish the tutorial and play for realz. Yeah, with the “z” damnit.

“So your big plan is to not tell him you’re dating?” Weasel has heard worse ideas and this was kind of brilliant in a way.

“Yes.”

“That’s kind of brilliant.”

“I know.”

“Sometimes I forget you have a brain.” Weasel forgets himself and laughs. Deadpool does not and and breaks his friend’s jaw.

“What was that?” He leans in and puts his hand behind his ear, feigning trying to hear.

 

\----

 

**Then**

 

Christmas had been a strange affair. Nathan liked sleep when he could afford it and was able to relax. He could never truly relax though, as he had to keep Providence afloat at all times, so he was usually exhausted..

Though he does have moments where he can afford the illusion of relaxation.

He had no reason or intention of getting up early on Christmas. Everyone had the day off and he was going to have a nice sleep in.

Or, rather, that had been his intention and plan.

He was not expecting to be so rudely awakened. Rudely because it was rather perverse and somewhat a violation.

When his senses kicked in he ended up kneeing Wade in the face. He just laughed it off as he rolled off the bed.

After a change of pants he met Wade in the living room. He was offered coffee and a stocking.

“This first.”

“Oversized socks.” Nate is sure that this means something.

“Smaller, fun gifts.” Wade explains.

Chapstick, Hello Kitty swag, gun cleaning stuff, gum, flavored condoms, etc

“These are surprising practical. Thank you.” Nate means it.

“Shut your damn mouth.” Mother knows why that insulted him.

The serious presents came next. Broadway tickets, stuff to sharpen blades, a Demi Moore film collection, a People’s magazine that names Bea Arthur as the sexiest woman ever to have lived for all of time. . .

“Huh? What?” Wade stares at it, turns it upside down, pokes, flips through the pages. The magazine is . . real. There are articles and images and wow.

“Irene helped. She’s a journalist you know.”

“Uh huh.” He gets lost in the cover article.

Nate, satisfied with the gift exchange goes to clean up mode. Wade looks up.

“Hey, you still have one left, big guy.” He jerks his head towards the tree. Nae walks over and sure enough, shoved waaaay in the back is a box. Nate bends down, crawls under a bit, gets the box and goes back to the couch.

He lifts the lid off of the box, which is comically larger than it needs to be. Nate pulls out the gift, a scrapbook. How curious. He looks to Wade, who is busy enjoying his magazine.

He opens the book and is surprised. He actually expected something like random joke weapons, water pistols. Not this.

“Wade. You didn’t have--how did you? Some of this. The language, you gave up after the first lesson.”

And Wade came back with an insult perfectly spoken in Nathan’s clan’s tongue.

Nathan felt nice. Good even. He closed the gift and went back to cleaning.

 

\--

 

Something was thrown at him. Nathan lifts it off of his face. A very ugly, light up sweater.

“It’s a thing, you have to wear it to dinner.”

“It lights up.”

Wade leaned over and touched it, then it started to sing.

“Oh. That’s. Awful.”

“Thank you.”

Wade danced around the apartment. He has been cooking and baking for the last two weeks and Nate’s inner circle of Providence were coming over for dinner--also some of the X-Men.

“I don’t want to wear this.”

“I’ll do that thing.” Wade calls from the bedroom. He’s getting his face on, Nate suspects and when Wade pop’s his head out around the corner, with his mask on, Nathan frowns.

“Can I have a mask? I don’t want people to know this is me.” Nate pulls the sweater on.

“You’re taller than trees, people will know. And I promise, I’ll do the thing.”

“And the voice?”

“His voice is normal. He’s not GLaDOS.”

“Point.”

Wade’s friends arrived first, well his friend and pet human/minion. Weasel handed him gas station wine and immediately set out for the TV and any entertainment system. He was more than pleased to note that Nate had owned them all. This was mostly due to Wade’s liberal use of Nate’s debit card, that he was given permission to use for emergencies.

Emergencies being, what if Wade didn’t own the most current game and he was not able to converse about it? He would be in a world of spoilers! He would not be able to leave the apartment and would have no choice but become a hermit and not the cool Obi-Wan kind! Egads, the horror!

“So,” Bob, in his civvies and dressed to impress,” how long have you two been--”

Weasel shakes his head furiously from behind Nate and Bob closes his mouth.

“Hm?” Nate waits for him to continue but all that Bob does next is smile awkwardly.

“Bob, behold my Hawke, for mine is the superior Hawke.” Weasel says. Bob glares.

“Lady Hawke is best.” He goes over.

The rest of the guest arrive and a flurry of confusing and unfinished questions wash over him.

“So, is this a serious thing?”

“Do you need help? Blink if you’re being held captive.”

“Is this a weird guilt thing?”

“I guess I can see the appeal. He’s like a disfigured puppy.”

“ _Why_?” Scott asks. Emma rubs his shoulders and leads him towards the sweets table

“Is there beer?” Logan asks. Nate nods and points.

The dinner is nice. Ham, turkey, etc. Everyone is in a jolly mood. Probably because all the drinks were heavily infused with alcohol, you're welcome.

“Well look at this Nate,” Domino says getting everyone’s attention.” Nazis, geeks, mutants, journalists, pan dimensional travelers, and whatever the hell Wade is, all gathered together in harmonious ceremony. Congrats, Providence works.” She raises her glass and others jeer and cheer.

“I’m not a Nazi.” Bob mumbles.

“Nate, remember, we’re here if you need help.” Bobby looks at him pointedly. Nate looks back confused.

“Just say the word and X-Force assemble.” He adds.

“I’m fine.” Nate says finally and uneasily.

“Bobby, shut up.” Logan says before finishing his fourth beer.

 

\---

“That was relatively painless.”

“It was nice.” Nate says.

“Your turn to do the dishes.”  Wade walks to the bedroom.

“What? Why?” Nate glares at the filth mongers.

Wade turns around with a stupid grin behind the mask.

“I have to get ready, remember?”

After liberal use of his TK Nate finishes “cleaning”

And he goes off to find Wade, who true to his word and promise, did dress up for the thing.

”Hello, handsome human male. Just me, Rebecca Barbara, a human female waiting for sexual intercourse.”

“You had me with those bedroom eyes.”

 

**NOW**

Nate puts the Dr. Doom mask back on the shelf.  
“Huh.” He rubs the back of his neck.


	5. Coming together maybe

**Then**

 

Nathan steps back as Deadpool pushes past him. He is covered with blood. More so than usual.

This concerns the older man.

“What happened to you?” He goes off to find his medical kit. Deadpool says nothing. He takes off his gloves, his mask, his boots. He slams the door to the bathroom shut. Nathan follows the trail and picks up after him.

After an hour or so, Wade, now dressed in one of Nate’s sweaters and nothing else, joins him on the couch.

“It’s Valentine’s Day.” Wade says, his voice stoic. He stares into the space ahead.

“Is it?” They don’t have that one where he’s from.

“I fucking hate Valentine’s Day.”

“Is there particular reason why?”

“I like capitalism, and murder. But you don’t do the murder, just the greeting card candy bullshit, which isn’t even fun or relevant to the actual thing! Nate, as someone who specializes in history, this should offend you.”

“I see.” He does not, but he will research this later.

“There’s so much fake fuckery going on. Ooh, look at this adorable bear, it vibrates! The candy in the box of hearts, never that good, the balloons. The fucking balloon, babe. God.” Wade looks for around for something to stab or shoot.

“I thought you liked balloons?”

“I like _popping_ them.”

“Ah.”

“If you only spend one day, one fucking day to love someone, then you should fuck off and be a hermit. Only loving someone, for one day out of the whole year? Yeah, good for you.”

“It would make the rest of the time awkward.” Nathan agrees.

“Worst day of the year.”

“When you came here, you were covered in a lot of blood. And that’s saying something, considering.” Nate keeps his tone light, but he is concerned.

“Oh. That. I cut out my heart a few times and set it on fire. I filmed it. Do you want to see? It’s on my phone.” He looks around for it.

“You, what?” Nathan is sickened by that. He really shouldn't be surprised.

“Well, the first time, was to show how inaccurate the box of hearts and stuff was. That they needed to redo the design. Then, the second time, I threw it at a couple who pissed me off. They were making out, doing a couple selfie. Had to, babe. Had to!”

“You cut out your heart, and _threw_ it at people?” He considers calling a psych ward.

“They deserved it! The third time, I wanted to know what would happen if I put it in the microwave.”

“And?”

“Tasted weird.” He shrugs.

“You _ate_ your _heart_?” Nathan felt like he would vomit. He fought back the urge.

“It’s my heart, my body. I can do what I want.”

“Uh huh.”

“Then for the fourth time, I just set the fucker on fire and filmed it. Put it on my social media and website, and blog.”

“Of course.”

“I’m not having a day good.”

“No. I suppose.”

“Promise me that next year we’ll set something on fire.”  Wade rests his head on Nate shoulder and wraps his arms around him.

“Set something in particular on fire?”

“A building. A building that is offensive, and as it burns to the ground we fuck.” Wade really likes that idea. Yup. That’s how they are celebrating next year.

“Okay. A few things Wade.”

“We’ll dress as Bonnie and Clyde. It’ll be fun. Fire and fucking! That’s how you celebrate Valentine’s Day!”

“You realize, after a certain point, you’ll be committing necrophilia?”

“Huh?’

“I’ll probably die from the smoke or heat depending on how long this sex lasts.”

“Oh, right. We’ll work out a signal.”

“A signal.”

“Yup, we’ll work out the details.”

The rest of the night they spent watching _Jaws_. Wade fell asleep on the couch, Nathan put a blanket over him and went to his bed.

The pounding on the door is what woke him up. Neena. She smiled like a fool.

“I, uh. Need a place to crash.” She says. She waves at Wade, who glares at her.

“I don’t have a spare room.” Nate says.

“Bed’s full, unless you want to be our third?” Wade asks hopeful. Neena does not. He pouts.

“You can have the bed.” Nate says. Neena is grateful, kisses his cheek and then goes to where the bed is calling her.

“You’re letting your ex sleep in your bed?” Wade has strange way about him that is making Nathan feel like he needs to buy him flowers and beg for forgiveness.

“I’ll take the couch.” He assures him. Wade gives him a look that says he needs to go to the store and buy him diamonds, rubies, and emeralds, and beg for forgiveness.

“Hm.” No sir, Wade does not like it. He’s not even getting any kinky sex out this arrangement either!

“I’m going to go to this thing.” Nate says as he walks away from Wade.

“Yeah?” He says, still clearly annoyed.

“I’ll uh, ask her to go when she wakes up.” He quickly exits.

Neena comes back to the room, holding out her hand.

“Did it work? You owe me either way.”

“Don’t know.” He pays her.

When Nate returns, Neena has left. He hands Wade the flowers, the balloons (for popping) and a diamond necklace, because shiny.

Wade ate the flowers like they were a salad, popped the balloons and did naughty things to Nate as they watched _Texas Chainsaw Massacre._

After that Wade spent the rest of the day wearing nothing but that necklace.

And that’s how they celebrated Valentine's Day for the first time.


End file.
